ambiguity.

        Last night I went to a party of family friends at ZJ's house. He wasn't there. That was okay. I just wanted to wallow by myself anyway. Later he came though. He brought with him EG, D, and SJ. They just returned from a tour at U of I. I had not mentally prepared myself! And I was wearing my lazy weekend clothes and did minimal blah makeup!! ahhh. Still, it was nice to see them. Though I know that they did not go there to see me. SJ asked me, "are you going to NS's party tomorrow?" I replied, "uhh, guess not, seeing as I heard about it until now." Awk. I guess NS finds me bothersome now too.

       Anyway, SJ got into U of I early decision. EG got in the same way, and with a large scholarship. Yay her. D and ZJ just got wait-listed. Sucks, seeing as how D has not applied to anywhere else because he's a lazy bum even though he's smarter and better than that. I hope he gets in though. Well, maybe I want him to get away from EG.I know, I'm terrible. Either way, it shouldn't matter to me, should it? I often wonder if I'm ever going to see any of them again once they go off to college...

        Back to last night. It was only a little awkward. At first I kept worrying about not being too forward or ambiguous with my words and actions towards D. He was encouraging and carefree. He hugged me once. I nearly cried. I wonder if he noticed the pimple thing by my mouth. He rubbed and tugged at the back of my bra once. We had a few tickle fights. He fell asleep. I covered him with a blanket. In a momentary haze of half-sleep, he held my hand. He touched my lips. He fell asleep again. I kissed the top of his head. My fingers grazed his hair and feathered the nape of his neck. He shrank away. 

-T.