5.23.2011

sickie.

        Hey sorry I haven't been posting at all recently, though I'm not sure that anyone really cares. I've had a plethora of activities, namely choir concerts, prom, and then deathly illness. I'll come back to prom later, I haven't quite sorted out my feelings on it yet.
        Anyway, I woke up around noon Sunday feeling a bit queasy. My mom yelled at me telling me I needed to leave for Chinese school in half an hour. I begrudgingly began to get ready. Whilst doing so, I ended up throwing up for 5 minutes straight. My mom still made me go though. I got there and just sat in the cafeteria delirious and not doing anything for two hours. I called my mom to tell her to come pick me up because I was feeling pretty bad. She yells at me on the phone for a few more minutes. All these kids around me yelling and annoying Asians chatting all swirling around my head. An hour later and my mom has just left the house. I get up and make my way to the bathroom. Too late I guess, because a few seconds later I retch all over the cafeteria. I retch and retch and retch. Asian ladies around me tweaking out, and little kids screaming and yelling. It was quite a spectacle.
        My mom came for me eventually. I mentioned to her that she was a bit late, seeing as I had already thrown up everywhere. She yelled at me a lot then, saying that I was so selfish for expecting her to come pick me up right away, and then if she had picked me up earlier I would have just thrown up in her car anyway, gosh not the car. I spent the rest of the day simultaneously starving, trying to eat, feeling nauseous, then throwing up. I sweated my sheets through and through and just rolled around in my bed moaning. My parents thought for a while that I was hungover or something, since it was the day after prom. They are going to find some way to penalize me for this, like probably not let me go to prom next year.
        Yes, they will definitely never get off my ass about this, especially since I stayed home from school today. I figured I wouldn't miss anything, since it's Senior Ditch Day and half of the junior class is gone on a field trip anyway. My mom took this opportunity to lecture me about how I'm going to kill my grades by missing school all the time and I must have done this on purpose and planned to miss school and I'm going to start ditching school all the time. Seriously mom STOP. I have not missed a single day of school since seventh fucking grade. I have never even skipped choir class, and that's something that I think very few others in the class can say. I wonder if she will ever realize that I can handle myself, and that I have everything under control. I have never failed myself before, and she just needs to shut up because she stresses me out and kills my self-esteem. Even while I was writhing on my bed and lethargic and throwing up she never said a single caring word. Maybe she does care, but she sure as hell doesn't even try to show it.
-T.

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