cawlej.

        Yesterday I submitted three college applications: U of I, Notre Dame, and UChicago. Oh yeah, I really haven't updated at all on the college process. That's just because any energy I have to think about college, I am doing my applications. The moment I hit submit on the latter two, I got really nervous and almost regretted it because I could have edited all my essays ten more times. Still, I'm glad I got it over with; it's a really weird feeling because I have had the stress of applications for months. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with emotion. I especially feel this way for UC, because my whole future is contingent on that application. I want to go there so badly. There is nothing that I want more at this moment, and it will be a ridiculously long two months wait to find out. Of course, that was only the first round of applications, just the early ones. I'm finding that it is hard for me to actually be interested in any school other than UC. I probably have a little fewer than ten schools to apply to, I don't even know. It just depends on my mood and how busy I am at this point.
        Today my school guidance counselor sent me a pass saying she wanted to "touch base" with me. She told me how much she enjoyed writing my letter of recommendation, and also that she was surprised to find that I am a year younger than others in my grade. I didn't even really consider this factor when I was helping her write my letter of recommendation, I don't even think about this. She said that older students have a natural advantage from the beginning, and this continues throughout their life spans. As a younger student who is still doing well in advanced classes, it is supposed to be really impressive. I always figured that it didn't make that much of a difference; I skipped from half of first grade to halfway through second grade, it was a head start at a young age. I didn't skip anything important or that I didn't already know. However, apparently teenagers mature very quickly. It could completely account for my freshman year. That one year made all the difference. I am feeling a little more confident in the applications process. She is really so sweet to me. I don't know why I would deserve any of the things I have in life, and I am so grateful for them. I have gotten so much support from everyone. Even my family; they paid around $200 in merely application fees yesterday. I just realized how much this process is going to cost. At about $100 per college, (application fees, ACT and SAT scores, transcripts, etc.) it's a tough process. It costs so much to apply and possibly get rejected.
        Anyway, I got 100 on my English test today. I don't think I deserved it. I wrote less and barely marked up the poems we were analyzing, while people next to me did much more and got little credit for it. I always thought it would be nice to be a teacher's favorite, but I just feel guilty mostly. I mean, I'm a favorite because I participate in class, do all my work, and have good ideas, so it's not totally unfounded. Yet, it still doesn't seem right. I don't know. I'm grateful for everything, even if I don't deserve it, and I'm sure that I can make the best of whatever happens to me.