narwhals.

        I had quite an emotionally charged conversation with DC today about how unfair the college applications process is, how arbitrary it is, and how much about people it really neglects. Honestly I think the American one is one of the broader and better ones, but still it is so flawed. A girl paid over $300 per hour for ACT classes, and got the same score as I did and I feel like my score means nothing and I don't have anything that sets me apart from the rest of the pool. DC has everything that a college applicant could want, and yet she is still comparing herself to someone else who gets every leadership position in the school due to popularity. Some people really do just get it all, and don't leave so much for the rest of us. Even at her level, there is still so much to worry about. Everything is a gamble, and we all really take a college decision as a reflection on their own lives and worthiness.
       I think we all just need to take a step back, especially those of us at the top, (not trying to be narcy or anything but just statistically speaking,) and realize how fortunate we really are. I know it's cliche, but I just have to remember those people who couldn't get a 35 no matter how hard they tried, and no amount of expensive tutoring could get them there, and it doesn't even matter much of the time because they can't afford it.
       Also I am thinking that while I am stressed, it is easier for me to maintain a more realistic and even a little bit more optimistic of an outlook. This is because in the past I had never really believed that I could go to an amazing school. I hoped that I would get into U of I. It's not a bad school, but nowhere near the kinds of schools I am looking at now. My SAT score really opened so many doors for me, and my ACT confirmed it. I think it was my SAT that made me realize that I'm not average. The standardization let me put myself into perspective, and I couldn't let what I had go to waste. I am so fortunate to be able to even think about applying to a few ivy leagues, and now my dream school is a totally different caliber than it would have been before. I'm still going to worry incessantly and compare myself to others, but I am happy to be a relatively competitive applicant from my school. Sometimes I feel that I am just a mediocre minnow in a sea of glittering narwhals, but when I'm hanging with the narwhals I have to remember that I lose perspective.

Who would have thought that I could achieve what I have today?

-T.